Beyond the Bullying
IYKYK! And if not, I’ll share a bit!
The past couple of months have been full of many of the biggest personal and professional challenges I have ever had. Thankfully there have also been some great wins and an abundance of encouragement around me!
Among the most difficult series of events in this “season” was coming under direct attack as an individual and in community with others. The attack was prompted by our being who we are, celebrating our lives, and some very historic parts of the journey that have brought us to where we are (complicated by ignorance and misinformation.)
You don’t even have to know me very well to know I really don’t do politics/policy/advocacy work. That is until a committee I was working on was called into a 2 hour meeting where we were subjected to bullying and shaming the likes of which I’ve not experienced since school days.
Who were these bullies? Primarily elected officials, high ranking staff at local religious institutions, and some other business leaders. Their efforts worked on me. Their intimidation tactics as well as their use and abuse of the legal system and their damning moral platitude nearly took me down. Ultimately I did not attend any of the festivities for fear of triggering some already fragile mental health issues.
These “concerned citizens” were horribly accusatory and not respectful. They spoke on behalf of people they “represent” without knowledge or compassion for those they were not representing. They were hyper focused in fear of the unknown, catering to other constituents and congregations who are also full of fear and hate. As one example, there was one comment from a religious leader in the 2 hour shaming session that compared drag (the entertainment issue that stirred all of the bullies in the first place) to “black face.”
Ultimately, they also denied parents and families the opportunity to make choices for themselves (like when a parent does or does not let children see certain movies or play certain video games.) Many families and young people who may have been encouraged by an event did not get to enjoy time together to learn something and time together to be entertained.
My health was seriously affected. I thought I was holding it together pretty well. However, many relationships were challenged to a level that will take much time to heal. My professional presence changed and while some professional relationships deepened, others will also take time to restore trust and credibility.
In the midst of all of the controversy I had preparation for another fundraising event that absolutely suffered. The good news definitely starts here. That fundraising event ultimately raised over $21,000 and engaged a growing community of more than 130 people to support suicide prevention and mental health awareness.
There is no victim mentality here. What happened has happened and I MUST move forward. I have.
One of my go to values and tools has long been a gratitude practice — looking at each day for points of gratitude. During the past two months, that was hard to do. However, on the other side of it all I now can see some of the things that I learned and I am grateful for those.
My most significant take aways are: curiosity and compassion serve the greater good more than fear and judgement; I am stronger after enduring the hate, shaming, and judgement by bullies who are self-righteous and have obvious political agendas; and I am affirmed that if I cannot find gratitude in a situation, I will look for what I can learn.
For these things and more, I am truly grateful.
Take care of yourself. Take care of each other. Be kind. Be grateful. Stay curious and compassionate.
Oh, and please don’t vote for bullies.
